Rope Purchases by Republican Party Organizations create severe Supply Shortages, especially in Swing States

It seems that many Republican Party organizations at state and local levels are taking an old adage not only seriously, but literally. “Give Trump enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” says Harley Ferguson, Chair of the Republican Party in Rockrib County, Ohio. “That’s why we spent $5,000 to buy rope that we sent to Trump’s campaign in New York City.”

Ferguson is the one of many Republican officials whose chief political aim is now to protect the party’s down-ticket candidates from the disastrous Trump defeat they see coming in November. Ferguson is also a founder of GiveTrumpRope.com, a new website that has attracted thousands of state and local Republican Party officials, many of whom have also purchased spools of rope and sent them to Trump’s campaign headquarters.

A surprising result of these efforts is a run on rope supplies in hardware stores across the country. Home Depot stores in Florida and Ohio — two swing states —have emptied their shelves entirely. Cord Wainwright, President of the Rope Association of America, stated that, “We’ve never seen demand like this. And when we figured out that all these purchasers were Republican officials we were concerned they might be planning mass suicides. Frankly, we’re relieved to learn there’s only one prospect of that. If Mr. Trump wants to hang himself, he’s sure as heck gonna have enough rope.”

Meanwhile, Agnes Gooch, Coordinator of In-Kind Contributions for the Trump campaign, announced that they will no longer accept donations of rope. “The basement of Trump Tower is packed to the gills with spools of the stuff.” she said. “We’re up to our necks in rope. Please tell people to stop sending it. We’d much rather have donations of canned goods, bottled water, flashlights, candles, and blankets to have on hand in case Hillary Clinton takes power.”

 

As published today in the US edition of the Huffington Post

I couldn’t be more serious about this funny stuff!

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