NOT FAKE NEWS, BUT AUTHENTIC SATIRE
When it comes to Trump’s misadventures, I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. There’s so much trouble brewing just beneath the surface that new scandals or disasters are likely to erupt any moment now. In the meantime I’m fantasizing about the exact nature of these about-to-burst calamities. Here are some headlines we might see:
PAUL MANAFORT FLEES TO RUSSIA
Former Trump Campaign Manager Begs Putin for Political Asylum
JEFF SESSIONS ACCUSES HIMSELF
“It was Halloween,” the Attorney-General declares in explaining why three Russian spies attended a party in his office last October 31st. “They were in costume, dressed as FBI agents. I blame myself for being fooled, but I didn’t tell them a single thing I wouldn’t tell the FBI.”
TRUMP FIRES KELLYANNE
“The bitch was leaking like a sieve,” he declares
RELEASE OF TRUMP’S TAX RETURNS REVEAL THAT HE’S FLAT BROKE
President apparently living on money filched from Barron’s trust fund
VICE PRESIDENT PENCE RESIGNS IN PROTEST
“I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore,” Mr. Pence declared when announcing his resignation, effective immediately. “At the White House all I’m permitted to do is stand behind Trump, smiling like an idiot and applauding every stupid thing he says.”
White House press secretary Sean Spicer announced that until a suitable replacement can be found, Pence’s role at White House will be performed by an android robot designed to look and act like Abraham Lincoln.
So, tell me, Dear Reader, what’s your expectations along these lines? Please send them to me. Don’t hold back. Remember, the truth doesn’t matter. Alternative facts are very much in order. Just go hog-wild with your fantasies, the way Trump does.
As published in the Huffington Post today